Eric D. Snider
Crooked Marquee stands proudly as one of the top 100,000 U.S.-based movie websites on the Internet. As you can imagine, with credentials like those, we get thousands of story pitches from freelance writers. Many of their ideas are insightful and original, but some just aren’t what we’re looking for. Would you like some examples of the latter category? You would? Ugh, hang on. Let me see what I can dig up.
Rejected Articles from Summer 2017
Yes, You Can Get an Infection: What Girls Trip Gets Wrong About Booty Holes
We Asked a Real Transforming Car to Fact-Check Transformers: The Last Knight
Other Michael Fassbender Movies Where He Should Have Made Out with Himself
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets: A List of Their Names
10 Dead Men Who Did Tell Tales
Using Science to Prove The Mummy Is Not Technically a Movie
We Don’t Just Want to Know Where Baby Cars Come From — We Want to See Cars Doin’ It
What Snatched Teaches Us About the Dangers of Associating with Amy Schumer
Meet the Plank of Wood That Doubles as Charlie Hunnam’s Stand-In
A Men’s Rights Activist Responds to The Beguiled Using Only Emojis
What Detroit Gets Wrong About People’s Interest in Watching a Grim 143-Minute Movie About Racism in the Middle of Summer
Caesar’s Phallus: Why Don’t the Apes Have Genitals?
Other Casey Affleck Movies Where He Should Have Been Covered with a Sheet
The Dark Tower Proves It: Books Are Dumb
‘When Is It My Turn?’ An Interview with the Lower Half of Tom Hardy’s Face
[Untitled 800-Word Piece Making Fun of Ansel Elgort’s Name]
Meet Your New Queer Icon: Brigsby Bear
What Rough Night Gets Wrong About Hiding a Body
Why Guardians of the Galaxy‘s Mary Poppins Joke Is Racist
Unpacking the Cultural Appropriation of Despicable Me 3
Dunkirk: Real Place? An Investigation
The Satanic Ritual That Led to The Emoji Movie
Eric D. Snider lives with rejection in Portland.
