Craig D. Lindsey
Violent Night is a brand-new kind of stupid.
It’s basically a sketch-comedy show movie-trailer parody extended to feature length. (The premise alone — Santa Claus takes down a bunch of terrorists on Christmas Eve — sounds like the sort of goofy shit Mad TV used to churn out all the time.) This isn’t even the first movie where Santa goes toe-to-toe with some killers; Mel Gibson played an assassin-eradicating Father Christmas in Fatman just a couple years ago.
And, yet, this is the kind of stupid I can get behind. Violent takes its ultra-ridiculous premise and stretches it like Silly Putty, giving us nothing but holly, jolly carnage for the holidays. The St. Nick who brings the pain is a doughy, dour drunk played by Stranger Things savior David Harbour. This guy (think Billy Bob Thornton’s scumbag lead from Bad Santa, but with his own reindeer) schleps around the world, pissing and vomiting off the side of his sleigh, delivering presents to all those selfish little bastards out there with help from his magic bag.
He stumbles upon a Connecticut compound where a wealthy family is being held by a mysterious baddie (John Leguizamo) and his gang of mercenaries, looking to scoop the $300 million the matriarch (Beverly D’Angelo, profane AF) has locked away in her vault. Even though Kris Kringle doesn’t want any drama this Christmas Eve (dude has been wondering if he should hang up the bag for good after this Christmas), the matriarch’s granddaughter (Leah Brady) convinces him via walkie-talkie to save her family by kicking some holiday ass.
You get the sense that mostly everyone involved with this fully understood that this is some dumb, twisted shit and should be presented accordingly. (The Righteous Gemstones’ Edi Patterson shows up as a money-grubbing relative whose self-centered antics had to have been improvised.) It’s quite possible the people behind this yuletide actioner got tired of the online debate of whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie (yeah, it came out during the summer but gotdammit it takes place on Christmas Eve) so they went ahead and made a Die Hard Christmas movie themselves — starring St. Nick as the resident John McClane. They also give some love to Home Alone, as one character boobie-traps an attic and inflicts more pain on unsuspecting lowlifes more than little Kevin McCallister ever could.
Norwegian director Tommy Wirkola (Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters) does this kinda film all the time back in his country, helming such darkly comic horror shows as the Nazi zombie-filled Dead Snow movies. He takes the ebulliently absurd script from Pat Casey and Josh Miller (the Sonic the Hedgehog movies) and has Santa get his groove back by obliterating some naughty men, usually in the most well-choreographed, elaborately deranged way possible. (Producer/John Wick co-director David Leitch most likely played a part in conceiving the action sequences.)
Harbour and Leguizamo are obviously having a helluva time as the protagonist and antagonist of this snow-covered bloodbath. Harbour, that king of the dadbods, plays Claus as a weary, tattooed ex-warrior (he used to have a sledgehammer called Skullcrusher) who gets the Christmas spirit again by bashing people’s heads in. Leguizamo is entertainingly villainous as the bitter-ass, holiday-hating heavy. His scheming, irritated scowl stays on his kisser even when our Santa starts calling him and his mercs by their government names.
Since this is a Christmas movie, there is some sappy stuff squeezed into the violence and vulgarity, like the granddaughter who wishes her estranged parents (Alex Hassell, Alexis Louder) would get back together. While this subplot may be too sanguine for people who just want to see The Fat Man kill bad guys, it does keep Violent from being a continuous, cynical conveyor belt of gory fight scenes and immensely profane humor.
Acceptably dunderheaded and entertainingly demented, Violent Night is another one of those brazenly offbeat Christmas movies that could become a holiday favorite as years go by. 
B-
“Violent Night” is out Friday in theaters.
