Let\u2019s clear a few things up first. No, being asexual is not the same thing as being celibate, and no, I can\u2019t reproduce by budding. Asexuality is its own spectrum with a swath of variations: demisexuals<\/a> are physically attracted to someone only after falling in love; greysexuals<\/a> might be into someone every once in a blue moon. I identify as an aromantic asexual<\/a>. I\u2019ve never had a crush, been in love, or been sexually attracted to anyone. I\u2019m fine with others having sex, but I\u2019m repulsed by the idea of it involving me.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat sounds like a non-issue,\u201d you may think. It\u2019s not, though \u2014 I still live in a culture where sex the norm. If anything, I see sex as a morbid curiosity. Some people are drawn to pimple-popping videos; I have sex scenes in films. The problem is that no one in movies shares my outlook. I never see myself represented, so instead of embracing the similarities between a protagonist and myself, I have to embrace the differences.<\/span><\/p>\n Oddly enough, the first movie that made me feel validated in my asexuality was Eyes Wide Shut<\/i> \u2014 159 minutes of cinematic blue-balling. When playing to the straight male majority, it skewers heteronormativity by conflating it with arrogance. By seeing it at 16 years old, it helped me realize and embrace my orientation.<\/span><\/p>\n The film is virtually perfect in every way, but its exploration of the male id is especially amusing. First, it doesn\u2019t feel a need to depict its straight male protagonist as a hero. Bill (Tom Cruise) is a detestable character whose fragility adds to the film\u2019s entertainment value. He\u2019s the archetypal Straight Man \u2014 what the majority sees as an emblem of power, and something that I can never be. Throughout Eyes Wide Shut<\/i>, we see him endure the awkwardness that sexual minorities feel, and as he comes across any obstacle, he uses cash and privilege like an unspoken cry of, \u201cBut this can\u2019t happen to me<\/i>!\u201d It\u2019s a satirical viewpoint rarely explored, and seeing the film allowed me to laugh at the majority for once.<\/span><\/p>\n When I saw the film for the first time, just those first seconds made me think I was in for something special. That feeling continued, too, as sex was treated like a prizeless game. In the world of Eyes Wide Shut<\/i>, physical intimacy is like playing tag: Once you touch someone, you win. OK, cool, but is that it? … Oh, that is<\/i> it? Well \u2026 what now?<\/span><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ews1-300x295.jpg\")
<\/a>Most of the film exists in a dreamscape, subverting male fantasies better than a realistic tone would allow. This solipsism shows how self-centered Bill is: Everyone is an offshoot of him; virtually everyone is white; and every woman could be his wife\u2019s body double. This power is also where his isolation is. Sex may be an integral part of these characters\u2019 lives, but the film desensitizes it from the beginning. The opening shot, in which Alice (Nicole Kidman) slips off a black dress, lacks context. In fact, the shot is divorced from the opening sequence, rendering itself pointless.<\/span><\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Eyes-Wide-5-300x259.jpg\")
<\/a>It\u2019s just another part of these people\u2019s lives and it\u2019s often associated with unpleasantness. However, this depiction of sex isn\u2019t regressive \u2014 it\u2019s cynical. Early on at a cocktail party, the super-rich Ziegler (Sydney Pollack) shows Bill a nude woman who has overdosed. She\u2019s unconscious and lying like a polished corpse, and the nudity is banal enough to dare viewers to find it erotic. Finally, something meant<\/i> to be uncomfortable! Back downstairs, Alice rolls her eyes as a pickup artist (Sky du Mont) tries to sleep with her. \u201cHey, that\u2019s how I roll my<\/i> eyes when I see horny people in real life,\u201d I think to myself.<\/span><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ewsshaw-300x170.jpg\")
<\/a>Bill is similarly confused when he goes to have sex with a prostitute named Domino (Vinessa Shaw). Once he enters her apartment, he adopts an \u201caw shucks\u201d attitude, standing in silence. \u201cWhat do you recommend?\u201d he asks her. For once, the Straight Man is unsure of what he wants; the object of his desire looks at him like he\u2019s an idiot. \u201cWhat do I recommend?\u201d she chuckles. \u201cWell, I\u2019d rather not put it into words.\u201d And I think to myself, \u201cOh GOD<\/i>, what could that mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n