{"id":11683,"date":"2019-04-17T10:00:32","date_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=11683"},"modified":"2019-04-17T10:56:08","modified_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:56:08","slug":"updates-on-the-marvel-cinematic-universe-from-bills-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/updates-on-the-marvel-cinematic-universe-from-bills-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Updates on the Marvel Cinematic Universe from Bill’s Mom"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re looking for a recap of the Marvel Cinematic Universe facts you absolutely need to know before Avengers: Endgame<\/em>, then face front, true believer: Here comes my mom, Lee Bria, to once again save the day. An MCU fan for several years now, she\u2019s back to finish what she started last year<\/a>, recapping a massively complicated storyline for you intrepid readers. So, if you need to remember who died in Infinity War<\/i>, who the villain of Ant-Man and the Wasp<\/i> was, and the origin of Captain Marvel \u2014 maybe \u2014 read on! Here\u2019s mom:<\/span><\/p>\n

Avengers: Infinity War<\/em> (2018)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"Let me start off by saying \u2014 I have no idea who goes up in smoke and who doesn\u2019t. I have no idea who\u2019s alive and who isn\u2019t, but I\u2019ll try my best. <\/span><\/p>\n

OK, so, Infinity War<\/i>\u2026was about a war that went on for infinity. It never stopped. No, there were two teams \u2014 we had the Avengers, where they\u2019re against the other guys because the city was mad at them or something? Wait, Infinity War<\/i>\u2026 the big purple guy\u2026 Thorn? No, not Thorn. Oh, wait I know it! Don\u2019t tell me. Thelcros. Velcros. I know his name! The big purple guy with the glove with the buttons.<\/b> And he\u2019s the one that wants to catch all the orbs \u2014 the infinity stones \u2014 they look like orbs. And his name is\u2026 purple guy. Thelmos? I\u2019ll get it! T-H\u2026 Theros! I keep coming up with Thorn. Oh! Thanos! I said Thanos. When you play it back you\u2019ll see I said Thanos. <\/span><\/p>\n

So the thorn man, he\u2019s a thorn in everybody\u2019s side. He is collecting all those spheres, those stones. And he has two daughters. They don\u2019t look anything alike, they must be adopted, cause one\u2019s green and one\u2019s blue.<\/strong> And the green daughter is with the Guardians, and her name is\u2026 green lady. I don\u2019t know. And the blue lady, I don\u2019t know her name either. So anyway, that guy\u2019s out to get everybody\u2026to destroy the Earth? To rule the galaxy? Because he\u2019s mad at his daughters, he wants to kill \u2018em? To kill all the Avengers? But he definitely has some grudges, and he\u2019s for sure gonna put the Avengers and the Guardians in the half that he wants to get rid of. It\u2019s all a big blank. Spider-Man\u2019s in there. And, uh, Doctor Strange is strange, he has some strange abilities. They capture him so he can\u2019t warp time, because he\u2019s the one that warps time, right? What I hope it is, is that he\u2019s gonna bring back all these ash people \u2014 but he\u2019s ash, too. Ahhhh! <\/span><\/p>\n

Infinity War<\/i> I\u2019m blanking out on \u2014 there was a big war! Where were they\/ Uganda? Lakanda? Wakanda! Sounds like Uganda. That\u2019s right, they all went to Wakanda, this is true. And they had some kind of big force field or something, where they\u2019re trying to crash through, and unfortunately they did crash through. And then they had a real big fight! And then everybody started dying, because Thanos got the stone, and he pushed buttons.<\/strong> And then all of a sudden there was chaos because people were just turning to ash and blowing away. And I don\u2019t remember who\u2019s alive and who\u2019s dead, but I think Buffy\u2019s dead, or Buddy, or Bucksty. Bucky. I think he went. And I think Black Panther went. But I don\u2019t think Captain America went, because I would\u2019ve cried.<\/strong> I remember the whole thing was just very upsetting, very upsetting. Anyway that\u2019s the whole Infinity War<\/i>, everybody dies. How can they do that? So, I didn\u2019t like it. The end. I mean, I liked the movie, I didn\u2019t like the end. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ant-Man and the Wasp<\/em> (2018)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"The girl that was the Wasp was from our \u201cLost\u201d show, and I like her. She was good as the daughter of the scientist who\u2019s Michael Douglas, who invented the Wasp. Ant-Man was very upset because her character got to be the Wasp, and he would\u2019ve rather been the Wasp. The Wasp and the Ant-Man have to team up, because they have to sneak in as little people. There was a bad guy. The second one they get the mother back! The scientist, she was made real little and was stuck in this nowhere land.<\/strong> They went and rescued her. <\/span><\/p>\n

There was a ghost \u2014 oh yes, I do remember that. She\u2019s very unstable, I felt bad for her. Because she didn\u2019t wanna be bad, but she was so unstable that she would ghost in and out of places. So that\u2019s who they were fighting. At the end, the father and mother have to send Ant-Man inside\u2026 something.<\/strong> And he becomes so small, and they\u2019re supposed to bring him back out, but then they get turned to ash! And so you\u2019re worried about poor Ant-Man stuck in nowhere land and he\u2019s in there going \u201cHello? Get me out!\u201d But he\u2019s stuck! But I\u2019m not sure where he\u2019s stuck. Where the mother used to be. In the end, they tried to help the ghost lady, because we all felt bad for her. <\/span><\/p>\n

Captain Marvel<\/em> (2019)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"OK, I\u2019ll do better on this one, because it was more recent. Captain Marvel, she crash-landed on some planet, and some bad guy hit her with electricity or something. So she got these electric powers somehow, I think from the captain lady that she worked for who was with her in the crash, she was an alien or something?<\/strong> And somehow when they crashed, she got infused with the energy from the engine of the plane or something. And it ends up that she\u2019s with these people that you don\u2019t know are bad \u2014 Jude Law I think is the leader guy. Anyway, they\u2019re supposed to be going to rescue somebody on some planet, only when they go to rescue him, turns out it was a trap! And they get attacked. And then she has to go to Earth to do something. Oh, she lands through the roof of a Blockbuster. Must\u2019ve been the \u201880s. Nineties? OK. So anyway she\u2019s there, and she keeps having flashbacks, like maybe she was from there. And then she remembers a friend, and she goes to the friend\u2019s house who has a little girl, and she figures out that she was an air force captain or something. <\/span><\/p>\n

Oh yeah, and I just remembered she had to go before her god, and it was this lady figure, that she believed in I guess, or something. So then, when she\u2019s on Earth, the bad guys come looking for her. But they can look like anybody, and they were chasing her and attacking her and then they show up at the farmhouse. But it turns out that the guy that was there wasn\u2019t all bad, he was just \u2014 he said his people were stuck on some spaceship and she could help him.<\/strong> And so she turns into Captain Marvel. She gets a new outfit. Very dope. And she can fly! With just her suit. I\u2019m not sure how she does that. She gets the captain lady to fly with her and they fly to some spaceship that the lady she remembered had, where they were storing some of these people that were hiding. Does anybody turn to ash in this movie? No. Anyway, they go up to the spaceship and they rescue the people. And she was with Nick Nolte. Oh that\u2019s right, Nick Fury, because he\u2019s young. Oh, and I liked the cat, the cat was some monster. And that\u2019s how Fury lost his eye. Nasty cat. Talk about a hairball! He swallowed the infinity stone. Is that enough on Captain America<\/em>? Marvel! I meant Marvel. <\/span><\/p>\n

Avengers: Endgame<\/em> (2019\u2014Predictions)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"First of all, I would definitely bring back Spider-Man, so that Tony could be happy. How would I end it? I would end it that Doctor Strange goes back in time \u2014 oh yeah, he\u2019s dead, he can\u2019t go back. I would end it that Captain Marvel flies so fast that she goes back in time, and she grabs Doctor Strange from back in time, so that she can take him forward to when he\u2019s still himself, so that he can make everybody go back in time.<\/strong> So that they can fight Thanos, and then they can make everybody be whole again. <\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, I\u2019d make them go back so far that they could save the twin. Quicksilver? Because I didn\u2019t like that he died. I would get Captain Marvel to make Doctor Strange make a pitstop to save the twin before he goes and saves all the other people that went to ash. Didn\u2019t Groot go to ash? I didn\u2019t like that. He has to save him, too. That\u2019s how I would have them get saved, with Captain Marvel taking Doctor Strange on a trip back in time, and make a few stops along the way. And then go back and, if they could get [Doctor Strange] just before he goes to ash to whip everybody back, that\u2019s how I would save \u2018em. <\/span><\/p>\n

They all gotta band together and go after the stones. Spider-Man can spin a web around Thanos so he can\u2019t move his arms, so that he can\u2019t touch any of his buttons. And then Tony and Captain Marvel and the Thunderbird guy and all those fast, flying guys can fly in there and get him, and they\u2019ll bring Spider-Man so he can web him. And then they\u2019ll have him, and then they\u2019ll take away his stones. He said that he wanted to make the universe better by getting rid of half the people. If that was the case, that he was really trying to save people by killing people\u2026 that doesn\u2019t make sense. I think he has to go, because he\u2019s so bad, or else he\u2019s just gonna keep making trouble. He didn\u2019t treat his daughters very well, that\u2019s for sure. OK, I think that sums it up. \"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
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If you\u2019re looking for a recap of the Marvel Cinematic Universe facts you absolutely need to know before Avengers: Endgame, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":459,"featured_media":11684,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1381,336],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11683","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-movies","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11683","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/459"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11683"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11683\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11684"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11683"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}