{"id":14004,"date":"2020-05-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-08T18:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=14004"},"modified":"2024-03-02T21:19:16","modified_gmt":"2024-03-03T05:19:16","slug":"seeing-2020-the-last-summer-movie-preview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/seeing-2020-the-last-summer-movie-preview\/","title":{"rendered":"Seeing 2020: The Last Summer Movie Preview"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, <\/em>
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.<\/em>
\u2014Wm. Shakespeare<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boogaloo Shrimp and pogo sticks<\/em>
My mind takes me back there oh so quick<\/em>
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet<\/em>
Think about that summer and I bug ’cause I miss it<\/em>
\u2014Lyte Funkie Ones<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The summer movie season does not exist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Stay with me, this gets fun, I promise.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are actually no seasons at all when it comes to entertainment these days, though we act like there are. It\u2019s not just that your quote-unquote \u201csummer movies\u201d have been expanding past their traditional release-date borders for years now<\/a>, either. It\u2019s that the change in the nature of the things themselves\u2014how many movies are made and released, and where and when they\u2019re released, and how much they cost to see or rent or buy, and what seeing or renting or buying even means in an era when entertainment consumption has been almost totally divorced from physical artifacts or even leaving the house\u2014anyway, that that change has been so fundamental that we have to come up with new ways of understanding the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea<\/em> of the summer movie season, though: that\u2019s something else. It\u2019s vacations from school, breaks from the routine, and a chance to spend two air-conditioned hours away from the smothering July sun. It\u2019s sequels, roller coasters, fireworks, second dates. It\u2019s trailers that summon a sense of the unknown and tell you that it\u2019s attainable. It is pure escape, pure retreat, pure transport. Pure nostalgia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because what is nostalgia if not a wishful way to control the world around you? The very concept is rooted in turning away from reality and attempting to travel back to a time that you\u2019ve told yourself is simpler and easier. The emotional heart of the summer movie season isn\u2019t about what\u2019s coming out in the next few months. It\u2019s about trying to rekindle the excitement you used to feel in summers past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is what makes this summer so impossible to predict. As of this writing, movie theaters are still closed\u2014though in Texas, where I live, they\u2019re opening back up at partial capacity, so it\u2019s been nice knowing everyone\u2014which means that for most people, even something bearing a superficial resemblance to a summer movie season is an illusion, with most releases delayed<\/a> or moved to video on demand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So for this summer movie preview 2020 (how\u2019s that for SEO, Marvel Star Wars Disney TikTok), we\u2019ll try to split the difference between the summers of old and the one we\u2019re in now. It\u2019s going to be a weird summer, but we\u2019ll make it. After all, if there\u2019s no more summer movie season, then it\u2019s always summer somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

MAY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Black Widow<\/em><\/strong>
See: Atomic Blonde<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look, Black Widow<\/em> was probably not going to be good. Most of the Marvel movies are not good, but these people are very attractive and they deal with outlandish property tax rates, so work is work. However, if you still want to see a woman in a wig kill people in a stylish way<\/a>, check out this surprisingly solid Charlize Theron thriller from 2017. You are all but guaranteed to not know the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Fast and Furious 9 <\/em><\/strong>
See: Ronin<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You want car chases? I mean real <\/em>car chases? Then you want 1998\u2019s Ronin<\/em>, starring Robert De Niro and directed to within an inch of its life by John Frankenheimer. One viewing, and you will never again want to see a CGI Vin Diesel drive a CGI coupe across a CGI bridge while being chased by CGI helicopters. This movie will take you home<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lovebirds<\/em><\/strong> (May 22, Netflix)<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lovebirds<\/em> is a comedy starring Kumail Nanjiani and Issa Rae that was originally scheduled to play South by Southwest Film Festival in March before a theatrical release in April. Then the worst global pandemic in a century hit, and all that didn\u2019t happen, so Netflix picked it up. The movie has that perfect SXSW-then-harmless-spring-dump-from-a-major-studio feel (think Bridesmaids<\/em> or Source Code<\/em>), as Nanjiani and Rae play a couple who accidentally get tangled up in a murder and then have to solve the crime while also figuring out their relationship<\/a>. If you started getting bored halfway through reading that sentence, rest assured that writing it was not fun, either. In other words, it looks like the ideal thing to watch if you want to turn your brain off for 90 minutes and forget that we\u2019re currently living through Mike Judge\u2019s Children of Men<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: The Spongebob Movie: Sponge on the Run<\/em><\/strong>
See: Uncut Gems<\/em> (May 25, Netflix)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imagine the most visually arresting panic attack you\u2019ve ever had. Now also Adam Sandler is there<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The High Note<\/em><\/strong> (May 29, VOD)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I genuinely mean this in a good way: every single aspect of The High Note<\/em> looks comfortably predictable. It stars Tracee Ellis Ross as a superstar singer whose label wants to put her out to pasture with a Las Vegas residency, even though she wants to make a new record. And guess who secretly dreams of being a record producer? Yep, the singer’s frazzled personal assistant, played by Dakota Johnson. The only thing missing is somebody like Ice Cube as the lovably grumpy manager\u2014wait, there he is. You will see every beat of this trailer<\/a> coming a mile away, but that kind of certainty feels wonderful and safe these days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

JUNE<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Wonder Woman 1984<\/em><\/strong>
See: Haywire<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watching Gal Gadot beat people up in Wonder Woman<\/em> was maybe the only good thing about 2017. You can recapture that glory with Steven Soderbergh\u2019s 2011 thriller, starring Gina Carano as a black-ops agent who\u2019s double-crossed and has to fight for her survival. It\u2019s got some of the best fight scenes of the century<\/a>, and it\u2019ll tide you over while you\u2019re (I apologize for what\u2019s about to happen) waiting for Gadot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Soul<\/em><\/strong>
See: A Matter of Life and Death <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pixar\u2019s upcoming film is about a guy who dies and winds up in the corner of the afterlife where new souls are developed. But good news: you can satisfy your needs for a tear-jerking metaphysical dramedy with 1946\u2019s A Matter of Life and Death<\/em><\/a>, which is about a Royal Air Force pilot who accidentally escapes death and petitions the spiritual world to grant him reprieve so he can be with the woman he loves. It\u2019s visually inventive, imaginatively lush, bursting with color, and absolutely wonderful. You will wonder why they even bothered making movies after this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: In the Heights<\/em><\/strong>
See: Hedwig and the Angry Inch<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A quest for identity? Check. Theatrical bona fides? Check. Music guaranteed to bury its hooks in your brain? Eleven checks<\/a>. The 2001 film of John Cameron Mitchell\u2019s ode to outsiders is the musical fix you\u2019ll need this summer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Top Gun: Maverick<\/em><\/strong>
See: No Country for Old Men<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-explanatory<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

JULY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Minions: The Rise of Gru<\/em><\/strong>
See: Literally anything else, your kids are worth more than this<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no conceivable way that your suffering through this movie would be worth whatever fleeting happiness it might bring your children. They are children, after all. They are dumb. Not dumb-dumb, just kid-dumb. I know you think they\u2019re smarter than average, but the very existence of the average means that they are probably not. They will laugh at anything. Show them whatever else you can get your hands on. Buy them a Switch. Tell them Gru died. Do whatever it takes, but save them, and save yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: Jungle Cruise<\/em><\/strong>
See: The Rundown<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Rock Paradox: The Rock is an incredibly charming movie star, yet his movies are almost uniformly terrible; rather than harm him, this somehow gives him more power. While pondering that, check out one of the few genuinely good ones, 2003\u2019s action-comedy The Rundown<\/em><\/a>. It will make you wish we\u2019d gotten a sequel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of: The French Dispatch<\/em><\/strong>
See: The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you were in the mood for an anthology-flavored, visually unique story that\u2019s both romantic and tragic, featuring an all-star cast and with that signature Wes Anderson flair, just \u2026 see a movie that is already that<\/a> (and great, to boot).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tenet<\/em><\/strong> (July 17)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christopher Nolan\u2019s new film is probably about a man who\u2019s haunted by his past but determined to change the world or his relationship for the better, even as he uncovers more about the hidden truth or conspiracy or something that\u2019s governed his life. It will look great<\/a>. It\u2019s currently still set for theatrical release on July 17<\/a>, which is both wildly optimistic and perfectly reflective of the steely-eyed determinism of the man who made a movie about how love travels through black holes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

AUGUST<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your guess here is as good as anybody\u2019s. For instance, Wonder Woman 1984<\/em> has had its release postponed to August, but who knows if it will actually come out in theaters then? Maybe theaters will open at partial capacity? Or maybe it\u2019ll have a shortened distribution window, becoming available to rent a month or so later; or maybe it\u2019ll get delayed again, and again, and again. As of this writing, there\u2019s no way to know. The world will forever be divided by what happened before this and what happens after, and we\u2019re all taking this journey together, one uncertain step at a time. All expectations of what we used to call normalcy are suspended until further notice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have a great summer! \"\"\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.\u2014Wm. Shakespeare Boogaloo Shrimp […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":583,"featured_media":14006,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14004","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/583"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14004"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14004\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22839,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14004\/revisions\/22839"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14006"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14004"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14004"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14004"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}