{"id":14429,"date":"2020-07-08T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-07-08T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=14429"},"modified":"2024-03-02T21:19:00","modified_gmt":"2024-03-03T05:19:00","slug":"the-case-for-not-going-back-to-the-movies-for-a-long-long-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/the-case-for-not-going-back-to-the-movies-for-a-long-long-time\/","title":{"rendered":"The Case For Not Going Back to the Movies for a Long, Long Time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

They say Twitter can\u2019t really change your mind about anything, and maybe that\u2019s true. But it can certainly solidify your thinking, pulling you off the fence about a questionable issue and setting your wishy-washy opinions in stone. Take, for example, me and this cursed video:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Rbj6tuxiCbw\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I had been wavering, for weeks before this video crossed my timeline, about if I was going to go back to the movies. As you may have heard, the theatrical chains are strategizing (like many, many industries hobbled by the novel coronavirus pandemic) about when to reopen, despite the continuing rise of the death toll and no shortage of new hotspots; \u201cIt\u2019s time for the country to reopen,\u201d we\u2019re told, as if merely announcing it makes it so. And thus, we keep hearing release dates for Tenet<\/em> and Mulan<\/em> and Saint Maud<\/em>, and we keep hearing about when the major chains – Regal<\/a> and AMC<\/a> and Cinemark<\/a>, specifically – will reopen to accommodate them.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Regal was to lead the way, planning to reopen their doors beginning this Friday, but they pushed that date to July 31 when Tenet<\/em> pushed its<\/em> opening by two weeks<\/a> (for the second time). But make no mistake, they\u2019re raring to go – with those three giants even going so far as to file a lawsuit<\/a> for the right to re-open in New Jersey, claiming that if the state is allowing places of worship to reopen, theaters should be allowed to as well, and insisting that the current closure is, among other things, a \u201cviolation of Plaintiffs\u2019 First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and freedom of expression.\u201d As Screen Crush’s Matt Singer notes<\/a>, “Freedom of speech is enormously important, but I\u2019m not sure that\u2019s really what\u2019s under threat when you keep people from buying a ticket to see\u00a0Mulan\u00a0<\/em>at AMC.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since one of the most dangerous things you can do in the current environment is sit in an enclosed space with strangers for two-plus hours, you might call these exhibitors willfully ignorant. You might even call them irresponsible! But one must also grant that the (perhaps overly optimistic<\/a>) 12-18 month timeline for a vaccine could shipwreck the theatrical exhibition business entirely, so it\u2019s understandable that they would want to find a way to return moviegoers to their auditoriums, albeit as safely as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the weeks leading up to their announcements, we heard talk of what that would look like. Complete automation of ticket purchases, to reduce person-to-person interaction. Controls of reserved seating to ensure social distance between moviegoers. Temperature checks at the door. Deep cleaning of theaters, and gallons of hand sanitizer for patrons. Reduction, if not elimination, of concessions \u2013 since one has to move or remove a facemask in order to consume food or drink. And, of course, the required wearing of facemasks, universally accepted as the most scientifically safe method of reducing the spread of COVID-19.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, turns out, not so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

All three chains enjoyed a rather public face-plant when they announced their reopening plans, which did not include a facemask requirement; AMC CEO and president Adam Aron really stepped in it<\/a> by telling Variety<\/em>,  \u201cWe did not want to be drawn into a political controversy\u2026 We thought it might be counterproductive if we forced mask wearing on those people who believe strongly that it is not necessary.\u201d By the next day, the chain had changed its mind<\/a>, mandating mask usage, as did Regal<\/a>. (Cinemark has not, merely stating that they \u201cstrongly encourage\u201d guests to mask up.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even after the chains\u2019 Dril-style<\/a> \u201cSorry, Im sorry, Im trying to remove it\u201d turnabout, the significance of the original decision \u2013 and its explanation \u2013 lingers. In the hours between the announcement and the reversal, Alamo Drafthouse chest-thumpingly tweeted<\/a>, \u201cWe will require<\/strong> <\/em><\/strong>that guests wear masks at the theater,\u201d and then, in parenthesis, as if trying to accomplish the Twitter equivalent of muttering under one\u2019s breath, added \u201c(except when eating\/drinking).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That, you see, is the problem. Theaters don\u2019t make their money from ticket sales; they only pocket a small percentage, especially for hot new titles like Tenet<\/em>. They make their money from concessions (which is why that box of popcorn and one-liter cup of Coke is so egregiously overpriced), so if admissions are reduced due to social distancing and concession stands are shut down because of face masks, they have no financial incentive to reopen at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you\u2019ll have outs like Alamo\u2019s \u2013 where the full entrees and alcoholic beverages of their menu could conceivably allow a patron to remove their mask for the bulk of a film\u2019s running time \u2013 or dodgy language like AMC\u2019s, which requires \u201cthat all AMC guests nationwide wear masks as they enter<\/em> and enjoy movies at our theatres\u201d (italics mine). They will find ways to allow you to take the mask off your face. Because if they don\u2019t, they can\u2019t sell you things to put into the big hole in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of which probably matters anyway, since the basic public health consideration of putting a piece of fabric over your mouth and nose has somehow become the most fraught political issue since the Watergate break-in. AMC\u2019s Aron was silly to call their non-requirement policy an attempt to steer clear of a \u201cpolitical controversy\u201d \u2013 by trying to dodge one, he made it one \u2013 but he\u2019s not wrong that it has <\/em>become political, because this has become the dumbest goddamn country on the face of the earth, and our drooling, shit-for-brains president and his (literally) mouth-breathing followers have decided this is the hill they\u2019re going to (literally) die on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So rather than just wear a mask over their garbage-spewing mouths, they\u2019re going to scream about the founding fathers and communism and Bill Gates, and even if they go to the theaters with a mask-only rule, they will gleefully ignore it. They\u2019re the same kind of rude morons who wouldn\u2019t put their phones away during movies, or wouldn\u2019t stop talking at full volume during them, and remember how well it went when you, or your fellow patrons, or even theater employees politely asked them to show the tiniest bit of consideration? Right, well, multiply that times ten, because now it\u2019s not just about themselves; it\u2019s about pleasing their big orange daddy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And thus, as I watched the video of that boomer dipshit assaulting Wal-Mart employees so he could buy his Funyons without the insurmountable burden of a few inches of cloth on his big, stupid face, I realized I wasn\u2019t going back to the movies anytime soon. I love<\/em> going to the movies \u2013 obviously, I mean, this is my job \u2013 and I miss them terribly. But I flashed the idea of reckoning with anxiety and fear of going to the theater, subjecting myself to the rough equivalent of a TSA screening at the front door, and then having to deal with guys like that, bobbing and weaving through lobbies and auditoriums and braying about how us libs can\u2019t take away their FREEDOM. And that\u2019s when I realized I\u2019m waiting this thing out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day, it will be really, truly safe to go back to the movies, and I look forward to that day. Until then, I\u2019ve got a nice, big TV at home, and over a century of movies that I don\u2019t have to leave here to watch. I\u2019m pretty well versed in that history, but there\u2019s still plenty to discover. And even better, I already know that the belligerent assholes in my living room aren\u2019t gonna get me sick. \"\"\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They say Twitter can\u2019t really change your mind about anything, and maybe that\u2019s true. But it can certainly solidify your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":531,"featured_media":14431,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1381],"tags":[162,1435,1434],"class_list":["post-14429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-movies","tag-movies","tag-op-ed","tag-strong-language"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14429","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/531"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14429"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14429\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22785,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14429\/revisions\/22785"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14431"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14429"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14429"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14429"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}