{"id":6320,"date":"2017-02-02T02:38:31","date_gmt":"2017-02-02T07:38:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=6320"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:39:53","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:39:53","slug":"what-to-expect-in-2017-2025-according-to-movies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/what-to-expect-in-2017-2025-according-to-movies\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Expect in 2017-2025, According to Movies"},"content":{"rendered":"

We have begun a new era in American history. On Jan. 20<\/span>, reality TV star, sexual-assault perpetrator, and all-around garbage human being Donald Trump was sworn in as President of the United States. The future has never looked so bleak! And so, in these uncertain times, we look to movies to show us what our lives will be like. From replicants to robot suits and everything in between, here\u2019s a guide to what the next eight years will look like, according to the movies.<\/span><\/p>\n

2017: The Running Man<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

\u201cIn 2017, the world economy has collapsed. Food, natural resources, and oil are in short supply. A police state, divided into paramilitary zones, rules with an iron hand.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

So begins The Running Man<\/i>, which pretty much got 2017 right on the money. The plot of this movie involves the U.S. government investing in reality television to keep the population entertained and distracted. That\u2019s something our president, currently executive-producing a reality series featuring the star of The Running Man<\/i>, couldn\u2019t possibly understand, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

2018:\u00a0Rollerball<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

In 2018, the corporations will fully take over. In Rollerball<\/i>, The Energy Corporation controls pretty much everything people need \u2014 food, transportation, gloves with spikes on them, the works. Individuals may be sacrificed at the altar of these faceless companies, but on the plus side, war no longer exists. Who needs war when you\u2019ve got Rollerball? <\/span><\/p>\n

2019:\u00a0Blade Runner<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

In 2019, corporations will still be all-powerful, and now they\u2019ll be making replicants that look and sound exactly like humans. We\u2019ll send Harrison Ford out to capture some of the replicants that escape, but as it turns out, he might be one too! So 2019 will be the year in which we start to question our belief in Harrison Ford (we may have to repeat this future in 2049, possibly with Ryan Gosling). <\/span><\/p>\n

2020:\u00a0Edge of Tomorrow<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

In the year 2020, aliens will attack Earth. That was inevitable, really. We\u2019ll get really cool robot suits, and some of us may get stuck in a time loop. Getting killed over and over again will probably suck, but at least we\u2019ll get to hang out with Emily Blunt. <\/span><\/p>\n

2021:\u00a0Johnny Mnemonic<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

There seems to be a weird recurring theme of super-corporations taking over the world in the future. Wonder why that could be! In 2021, we will become our own flash drives. It\u2019ll be convenient at first, but for all the data we store, we\u2019ll start losing our own memories. And without our memories of being human, we\u2019ll basically be robots. Or Keanu Reeves. Whichever is less lifelike. <\/span><\/p>\n

2022:\u00a0Soylent Green<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

The world is overcrowded, global warming has become a huge problem, and everything around us is dying. Why not have some delicious Soylent Green to take your mind off your troubles? Never mind what\u2019s in it, it\u2019s probably fine and not objectionable in the least. <\/span><\/p>\n

2023:\u00a0X-Men: Days of Future Past<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

In 2023, we\u2019ll experience a robot uprising. Like the aliens, this was also inevitable. But we\u2019ll send a representative (Hugh Jackman) back to the 1970s to try to avoid this future. And in the process, he\u2019ll retcon a bunch of other stuff too, seemingly at random. And then, based on the trailer for Logan<\/i>, we\u2019ll wind up in a totally different dystopian future anyway. And it\u2019s all Hugh Jackman\u2019s fault. Thanks a lot, Hugh Jackman. <\/span><\/p>\n

2024:\u00a0Highlander II: The Quickening<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

In 2024, we will use the word \u201cquickening\u201d just way too much. Like, it will be obnoxious how much we use the word \u201cquickening.\u201d You and your friends will throw Quickening parties. Merriam-Webster will name \u201cquickening\u201d its word of the year. People will measure their worth in how often they can use the word \u201cquickening\u201d in a sentence. \u201cHey Steve, how quickening fast can you get this quickening over to the boss\u2019s desk? Place it over there by the quickening.\u201d In many ways, this is the bleakest future of all. <\/span><\/p>\n

2025:\u00a0Her<\/i><\/span><\/h3>\n

Sick of the corporate rule, alien attacks, robot uprisings, and quickening parties, we will retreat into the comfort of our homes, where we will find glorious, delirious love. Of course, that love will be with our computers, but hey, love is love, right? After eight years of hardship, we deserve some happiness. When your girlfriend sounds like Scarlett Johansson and nobody ever makes fun of your high-waist pants and mustache, then life is going pretty good.<\/span><\/p>\n

And from there, who knows? We\u2019ll have been through so much when President John Cena takes command of the Oval Office in 2025. If we\u2019re lucky, we\u2019ll make it long enough to see the Children of Men <\/i>future of 2027. Humanity faces total extinction while Michael Caine smokes weed and listens to the Rolling Stones? Yeah, that sounds about right.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Michael Smith<\/a> lives in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., in 2017.<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n

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