{"id":6549,"date":"2017-03-01T19:36:42","date_gmt":"2017-03-02T00:36:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=6549"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:39:00","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:39:00","slug":"8-title-characters-ranked-by-how-unlikely-youd-be-to-invite-them-home-to-meet-your-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/8-title-characters-ranked-by-how-unlikely-youd-be-to-invite-them-home-to-meet-your-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Title Characters Ranked by How Unlikely You’d Be to Invite Them Home to Meet Your Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

20th Century Fox\u2019s Logan<\/i> hits theaters this week, and while it\u2019s by all accounts a fantastic film the aspect of it I\u2019m most interested in right this second is its entry onto the list of movies named after one of their characters. There are tens of thousands of titles that feature<\/i> a character\u2019s name \u2014 43,291 to be exact, per IMDb \u2014 but Logan<\/i> belongs to the more exclusive club of titles consisting solely<\/i> of the character name. To celebrate this, I\u2019ve done the obvious and put together a list of character-named titles ranked by how unlikely you\u2019d be to invite them home to dinner with your parents. Logan, for example, is someone you\u2019d bring him with little worry. What mom wouldn\u2019t be thrilled for their child to bring home the hairy-chested, ripped, and crass old man Logan for an introduction and a meal?<\/span><\/p>\n

So with that in mind, here are eight other title characters ranked in decreasing order of likeliness that you\u2019d bring them home for dinner with your parents. If you read my previous list<\/span><\/a> you know I\u2019m very strict with the rules I set, and here I have just one. I\u2019m only allowing titles that consist solely of a single character name \u2014 sorry Glen or Glenda<\/i>, it would have been fun.<\/span><\/p>\n

8.\u00a0Amelie<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"This should be a no-brainer as Amelie is a creative and gorgeous woman who sees the joy and sadness of the world inextricably intertwined together with a generous helping of skewed imagination. I\u2019m probably a bit biased on this one as the girl I was dating back in 2001 who introduced me to the film is the same lovely lady who I\u2019m with today, but you should all be so lucky, and if it starts by inviting a beautiful weirdo home for dinner then so be it. Weirdos need to eat too.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. MacGruber<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>There\u2019s a very good chance that inviting MacGruber into your parents\u2019 home will result in the utter destruction of said home, but I\u2019m compelled to argue in his defense anyway. For one thing, there\u2019s not a dull moment when he\u2019s around, and his presence also means there\u2019s a good chance Val Kilmer will stop by. Best of all, though, unlike most of the possible dinner guests on this list, MacGruber won\u2019t arrive empty-handed, as he\u2019ll bring a nice celery bouquet at the very least.<\/span><\/p>\n

6.\u00a0Snowden<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>The question you have to ask yourself before inviting Snowden home to meet your parents is: Does my family have any secrets we\u2019d prefer to keep that way? There\u2019s no doubt he\u2019d be an interesting conversationalist, but I imagine your mom would worry he\u2019d discover the truth behind her Sunday nights with \u201cthe girls\u201d while your dad wondered aloud if he was a traitor.<\/span><\/p>\n

5.\u00a0Lolita<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Your dad is going to be very OK with this — and that should be your first sign to abort the whole evening. Having Lolita over to meet your folks is\u00a0a disaster waiting to happen. If you do go through with it, be prepared for it to wreck your parents\u2019 marriage and scar you emotionally for life. It’s still probably worth it, though, for the great story you\u2019ll be able to tell years down the road.<\/span><\/p>\n

4.\u00a0Aladdin<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>I hate to mix pleasure with politics, but it\u2019s the new world order so what are you going to do? Part of that new reality is people with the name Ali being stopped and questioned at our borders, so it seems only logical that your parents might take issue with you bringing home a young man named Aladdin. My own father\u2019s political leanings would see him immediately cracking \u201cwise\u201d about turbans, skin tone, and accents, and he\u2019s one of the nice racists. Just don\u2019t get him started on Aladdin\u2019s inappropriate relationship with that carpet.<\/span><\/p>\n

3.\u00a0Jackie<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>She\u2019s all class and would bring a certain cache to how your parents see you, but can you imagine how utterly depressing Jackie would be at dinner? For one thing, she\u2019d be constantly talking about her dead husband, and that\u2019s no way to start a romance let alone a good meal. There\u2019s a good chance your parents would vacillate between being in awe (\u201cIt\u2019s Jackie Kennedy!\u201d) and being annoyed (\u201cWhat\u2019s the deal with that accent?!\u201d) And let\u2019s be honest, she\u2019d probably wear her pink, blood-spattered outfit to dinner.<\/span><\/p>\n

2.\u00a0Chappie<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>On the bright side \u2014 the only positive of inviting Chappie home for dinner \u2014 he\u2019s a robot and won\u2019t actually eat any of the food. The rest is all downside, though, because this talking toaster is an obnoxious prick. Your parents won\u2019t get a word in edgewise as this jabbering GoBot attempts to make jokes and suck up to them, all while referring to himself in the third person. And as bad as an electronic chatterbox is, it gets worse when you realize he sounds just like Sharlto Copley. Worst. Dinner. Ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0Mortdecai<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>This one is probably self explanatory, isn\u2019t it? If you bring this guy home \u2014 whether as a friend, a lover, or a simple act of kindness for what you assumed was a curiously dressed but mentally deranged vagrant on the street \u2014 then you probably deserve the hell that awaits.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Rob Hunter<\/a>, who lives in California, has never been invited to dinner anywhere.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

20th Century Fox\u2019s Logan hits theaters this week, and while it\u2019s by all accounts a fantastic film the aspect of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":471,"featured_media":6574,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,1381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/471"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6549"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6549\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6574"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}