{"id":6824,"date":"2017-03-24T15:38:51","date_gmt":"2017-03-24T19:38:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=6824"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:38:17","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:38:17","slug":"5-kids-tv-shows-ready-for-dark-movie-reboots","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/5-kids-tv-shows-ready-for-dark-movie-reboots\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Kids’ TV Shows Ready For Dark Movie Reboots"},"content":{"rendered":"

Remember Power Rangers<\/i>, that wacko show you used to watch as a kid? You know, with the colorful superhero team that assembles into a giant robot to fight stock footage from old Japanese kaiju movies? What if I told you there\u2019s a new movie version of that hitting theaters this weekend?<\/p>\n

What, you didn\u2019t realize? I suppose it might be easy to miss \u2013 the primary colors have been replaced with a grimdark hue, and the giant monster battles seem to take a backseat to teen angst. This isn\u2019t your grandfather\u2019s Power Rangers <\/i>\u2013 or yours, for that matter. This is a Power Rangers <\/i>for those cool, edgy teens who crave the kind of entertainment they can experience intermittently, in between sexting sessions and tweeting about Snapchat filters.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But maybe Power Rangers <\/i>shouldn\u2019t be alone in all of this. A lot of our children\u2019s entertainment is ripe for a dark, gritty reboot that abandons everything that made the original what it is \u2013 we assume for the better, because why else would they do it? <\/span><\/p>\n

The Magic School Bus: Awakening<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>A bizarre teacher and a classroom full of students have access to a bus that can travel through time and space. If that doesn\u2019t scream four-quadrant blockbuster, I don\u2019t know what does. After an evildoer steals the bus for his own nefarious purposes (world domination, naturally), Captain Frizzle and her pint-size cadets must retrieve the bus and undo the villain\u2019s evil plans. The emotional climax of the film comes with\u00a0the heroic self-sacrifice of Ralphie, who saves the others by jumping on a live grenade. He gets off one last Classic Ralphie One-Liner (\u201cThis blows\u201d) right before exploding into bits. His red cap hangs on Ms. Frizzle\u2019s coat rack in the film\u2019s final shot as a reminder of his bravery. <\/span><\/p>\n

(As a sidenote: The Magic School Bus <\/i>did have one really dark moment that has haunted me to this day. In an episode where the students travel to each planet in the solar system, Arnold gets fed up with the class and removes his space helmet while on Pluto, which instantly freezes his head, leaving only an Arnold-head-shaped block of ice in its wake. He\u2019s fine in the next scene back on Earth, but he should have been killed instantly, and that\u2019s something that 4-year-old Mike was never able to shake.)<\/span><\/p>\n

The Wild Thornberrys: Resurgence<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>This series about a jungle-exploring family and a daughter who can talk to animals can be the next big survival drama, a la The Revenant<\/i>. It\u2019s an inarguable fact that The Revenant <\/i>would be significantly improved with the addition of Tim Curry and a talking monkey. (You could argue against that fact if you wanted to, I suppose. Tell me, how does it feel to be so wrong?)<\/span><\/p>\n

In this big-screen reboot, Eliza Thornberry and Darwin the monkey get separated from the rest of the family after natives attack their campsite. While the rest of the family deals with a completely feral Donnie, Eliza tries to find her way back, running into all sorts of dangerous animals along the way. The ending twist: Eliza\u2019s ability to talk to animals is all in her head, and she is certifiably insane. <\/span><\/p>\n

Adventure Time: Dawn of the Descent <\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Adventure Time <\/i>already takes place in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, so we\u2019re halfway there. But we can go darker. The movie adaptation is a Cormac McCarthy-esque odyssey, an examination of man\u2019s crueler impulses. Finn and Jake are on the run \u2013 the government wants to use Jake\u2019s shape-changing abilities for a weapon \u2013 and after the death of Princess Bubblegum, there is\u00a0no safe haven left for them. Told as a stream-of-consciousness narrative and featuring a phenomenal performance by Kodi Smit-McPhee as Jake, Adventure Time: Dawn of the Descent <\/i>could be a major Oscar contender. <\/span><\/p>\n

Al Gore\u2019s SpongeBob SquarePants: Scourge Of The Sea<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Al Gore\u2019s An Inconvenient Truth<\/i> is a good, informative documentary. But kids don\u2019t watch documentaries, and Gore knows that. That\u2019s why he bought the rights to SpongeBob SquarePants <\/i>and decided to turn it into a horrifying parable for global warming. After pollution caused by man hits Bikini Bottom, its denizens begin to mutate into monstrous versions of themselves. SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Sandy find themselves holed up in the Krusty Krab \u2026 but one of them is infected. It\u2019s a classic zombie scenario imposed upon some of the most beloved characters in modern children\u2019s entertainment; I believe Zack Snyder is already attached to direct.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kim Possible: Rogue Nation<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>OK, this might actually be awesome. Picture Buffy the Vampire Slayer <\/i>crossed with Mission: Impossible<\/i>. That sounds cool, right? Kim Possible <\/i>was a show about a teenage girl who was also a super-spy. It\u2019s pretty fondly remembered by those who grew up with it, and it features a wide variety of over-the-top villains, a bumbling comic relief sidekick who owns an awesome naked mole rat, and a ton of cool gadgets and action scenes. Disney, come on, this is a no-brainer. If you\u2019re throwing money behind a live-action remake of Dumbo<\/i>, I think you can scrounge up some cash to get this off the ground.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Michael Smith<\/a> lives in a pineapple under Poughkeepsie, N.Y.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Remember Power Rangers, that wacko show you used to watch as a kid? You know, with the colorful superhero team […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":469,"featured_media":6825,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,1381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6824","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6824","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/469"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6824"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6824\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6825"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6824"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6824"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6824"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}