{"id":6979,"date":"2017-04-05T08:15:29","date_gmt":"2017-04-05T12:15:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=6979"},"modified":"2019-05-10T19:31:47","modified_gmt":"2019-05-11T02:31:47","slug":"chariots-of-flail-tracking-the-goofiest-runs-in-cinema-history","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/chariots-of-flail-tracking-the-goofiest-runs-in-cinema-history\/","title":{"rendered":"Chariots of Flail: Tracking the Goofiest Runs in Cinema History"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/b>Whether it\u2019s a high-speed foot chase in an action movie, a contemplative character-building jog, or triumphant track-and-field accomplishments in films like Chariots of Fire <\/i>and Prefontaine<\/i>, running has long been a part of films. There\u2019s something inherently cinematic to the act of running \u2013 it lends a sense of kinetic urgency to action sequences, or reveals something about the character\u2019s personality in a visually interesting way.<\/span><\/p>\n

That being said, running hasn\u2019t always looked its best on screen. Just like in real life, even the most athletic of us look kinda \u2026 goofy when we break into a sprint. To that end, we\u2019ve tracked down our candidates for some of the strangest (and strongest) runs in the wide world of cinema.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump <\/i>(1994)<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

The natural home of goofy running is the action film, but when it comes to the dramatic marathon, no one can outpace the poignant everyman drama of Forrest Gump. Whether he\u2019s outrunning his leg braces as a child or growing a beard and jogging across the country in the \u201870s, Hanks\u2019 Gump is decidedly unselfconscious about his run. Sure, his goofy running form is part of the joke (after all, if you\u2019re going to make 60-yard runs that fast in high school football, you won\u2019t exactly look graceful), but there\u2019s something charming about Hanks\u2019 high-kneed, straight-backed jog that makes it so delightful to watch.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Robert Patrick, Terminator 2: Judgment Day <\/i>(1991)<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

While we\u2019re in the \u201890s, we should make a pit stop over at one of the action genre\u2019s most iconic sprints: the T-1000\u2019s knife-palmed hyper-jog in Terminator 2: Judgment Day. <\/i>Patrick\u2019s steely gaze and thin frame gave us a spooky, serial-killer alternative to Arnold\u2019s lumbering bulk, and his murderous, apocalyptic 5K chasing John Connor is a fantastic example of that change of pace. Patrick had it all figured out before the rest of us \u2013 just flatten your hands while you run, and you can karate chop through the air, thus reducing drag!<\/span><\/p>\n

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Franka Potente, Run Lola Run <\/i>(1999)<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

Potente\u2019s urgent, intense sprint through the streets of Paris in the cult-fave thriller Run Lola Run <\/i>is one of the film\u2019s most interesting elements. Sure, Lola doesn\u2019t have the form of Usain Bolt, but her shock of dyed-red hair, ratty tank top and Eurotrash boots make for a hell of a workout ensemble. This, combined with the sheer amount of time she has to spent running in this movie (three times over, in fact!), makes Run Lola Run <\/i>worth mentioning on sheer duration alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

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See Lola running there? That\u2019s not even a GIF \u2013 it\u2019s just the entire film on a loop. That<\/i>\u2019s how much she runs. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Steven Seagal, any Steven Seagal movie<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

Now for a decidedly less glamorous \u201890s example \u2013 the wiggly, limp-wristed shuffle of The Goateed One himself, Mr. Steven Seagal. Whether he\u2019s chasing a goon down a darkened alleyway, or jogging up a mountain to kill some bad guys, Seagal\u2019s arms seem incapable of moving above the elbow, the man flipping his arms around like a penguin with tranq darts in his forearms. On top of that, he lets his hands relax below the wrist, making for an even floppier running arm that you\u2019d expect. I get that great action stars should make the fights and chases seem effortless, but Seagal evidently took the wrong lesson from that phrase. (Sidenote: he\u2019s no good behind the wheel either<\/span><\/a>.)<\/span><\/p>\n

http:\/\/gph.is\/11q6cTA<\/a><\/p>\n

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Liam Hemsworth, Paranoia <\/i>(2013)<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

Silly running isn\u2019t limited to \u201890s movies, either; modern cinema has its own fair share of examples. A lesser-known one, and the inspiration for this list, is Liam Hemsworth\u2019s fascinatingly doofy flight from a murderous Julian McMahon in the mediocre corporate thriller Paranoia. <\/i>Running away from Victor Von Doom in his crisp black suit, Hemsworth flails his way through fancy restaurants and alleyways, at all times windmilling his arms like a Newsie who\u2019s forgotten his choreography. <\/span><\/p>\n

http:\/\/gph.is\/2nosYuQ<\/a><\/p>\n

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Daniel Craig, Skyfall <\/i>(2012)<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, Craig is a fantastic James Bond \u2014 in no small part because of the imposing, aggressive physicality he brings to the role. However, by the time of his third outing, age and years of bone-crushing stuntwork must have worn down his knees to the point where he can only run like a jug-eared robot. Whether he\u2019s sprinting across a frozen lake or making his way through London traffic to stop a terrorist attack on foot, Craig\u2019s wide-legged gallop is one skip away from getting him reassigned to the Ministry of Silly Walks.<\/span><\/p>\n

http:\/\/gph.is\/2nFKZ9X<\/a><\/p>\n

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Tom Cruise, any Tom Cruise movie<\/b><\/span><\/h3>\n

You didn\u2019t think we\u2019d talk about running in movies and mention Tom Cruise, did you? The man is the master of cinematic scampering, having run for over 18 minutes of screen time<\/span><\/a> across dozens of movies. There\u2019s nothing wrong with Cruise\u2019s form, per se; we just have to give it up for the man who loves running on screen so much, he practically requires at least one big run for every movie he does. He\u2019s a shorter guy, but manages to work so much power into those little legs that he can outrun everything from sandstorms (Mission: Impossible \u2013 Ghost Protocol)<\/i> to alien death rays (War of the Worlds<\/i>). It\u2019s for good reason that \u201cTom Cruise running\u201d is a meme \u2013 nobody does it better. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or more<\/i>. Nobody does it more <\/i>than Tom Cruise. <\/span><\/p>\n

http:\/\/gph.is\/1OM1Axn<\/a><\/p>\n

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Clint Worthington<\/a> lives and runs in Chicago.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whether it\u2019s a high-speed foot chase in an action movie, a contemplative character-building jog, or triumphant track-and-field accomplishments in films […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":507,"featured_media":9301,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,1399,1381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6979","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-looking-back","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6979","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/507"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6979"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6979\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9301"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6979"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6979"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6979"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}