{"id":7124,"date":"2017-04-27T15:09:10","date_gmt":"2017-04-27T19:09:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=7124"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:37:21","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:37:21","slug":"a-cautionary-list-of-movies-for-take-our-daughters-and-sons-to-work-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/a-cautionary-list-of-movies-for-take-our-daughters-and-sons-to-work-day\/","title":{"rendered":"A Cautionary List of Movies for Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/b>This may be news to you, especially if you hate kids, don\u2019t have kids, or work from home, but April 27 is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day<\/a>. Founded by Gloria Steinem way back in 1993 with the goal of exposing young girls to the workplace, it was expanded beyond its clearly sexist agenda a decade later to include boys too. Fair is fair, as Billie Jean says.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a good idea in theory, but it\u2019s something the parents among you should really think about before undertaking. At best, your children will get to see where their parents slave their days away and get a glimpse of their own depressing futures; but at worst, at worst you just might end up dead.<\/span><\/p>\n

I present to you a cautionary tale in list form (obviously) of parents in movies whose own decision to bring their kids to work ended in tragedy, death, and in some cases … crazy hijinks.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Lost World: Jurassic Park<\/i><\/b> (1997)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Imagine: You\u2019re a world-famous mathematician, known as much for solving tough equations as you are for pithy observations while under threat of dinosaur attack, and you\u2019ve just been tasked with entering the reptilian domain once more. Of course you wouldn\u2019t bring your daughter to work with you. But what Steven Spielberg\u2019s blockbuster sequel presupposes is, what if she tags along anyway? Worse, what if she\u2019s a budding gymnast? The end result is two-fold in that not only does she end up at risk of becoming lunch for some roving raptor, but she also becomes a source of embarrassment you\u2019ll probably never live down when she saves your ass with a spontaneous routine on some conveniently placed uneven bars. It\u2019s the kind of thing that might just keep you away from dinosaurs forever\u00a0(or for 21\u00a0years, I guess, if the paycheck is right).<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friday the 13th<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1980) <\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Seasonal work isn\u2019t easy, but it\u2019s even tougher on a single mom with a mildly deformed son. But you gotta put food on the table somehow, so when a job comes available at a summer camp, young Pamela takes it and brings along her little boy, Jason. Big mistake. While she goes about doing her job, her co-workers fail to do theirs — they\u2019re too busy canoodling to keep an eye on swimming children — and little Jason drowns. That\u2019s bad enough, but Pamela loses more than her son as the years pass and she loses her mind. What I\u2019m saying is she snaps and begins murdering horny camp counselors.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Like Father Like Son<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1987)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Jack Hammond is a successful doctor with hopes that his teenage son, Chris, will follow in his medical footsteps, but that desire takes a hit when the two swap bodies! Crazy! Trouble grows when Jack goes to the hospital in his dad\u2019s body and proceeds to risk malpractice suits and termination with some inappropriate doctoring. He hands out pills willy-nilly, begins treating patients without insurance, and acts like a doofus. Does this count as bringing your child to work? Sure it does! The father\u2019s body is bringing the son\u2019s \u201cnon-body\u201d to work. It\u2019s magic.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Psycho<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1960)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Norma was a single mother trying to run a small motel and raise her son, Norman. Accomplishing both meant bringing him to work every day and making him work. She wouldn\u2019t live to see it, but her parenting style — keeping the boy constantly at her side, being a tough boss to him, and maybe loving him a bit too much if you know what I mean and I think you do — leads to some devastating consequences. Not only does he grow up to become a serial killer who taints her good name and tanks her business, but he also stretches out some of her clothing by wearing it\u00a0during inappropriate shenanigans.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Secret of My Success<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1987)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Howard Prescott is a successful CEO running a business he inherited from his father-in-law, but his downfall begins when he brings his sister\u2019s child to work. The child in this case is his adult-ish nephew, Brantley, and he brings him in as a mail clerk, but it still totally counts. Unfortunately for Howard, his good deed is punished by Brantley\u2019s precociousness, business savvy, and willingness to sleep with his own aunt. That\u2019s right. Bringing a child to work can lead to incest. It only gets worse when Howard\u2019s nephew and wife collaborate to boot him out of the business and take it for themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Shining<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1980)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>The opportunity to take on winter-caretaker duties at a remote, snowbound hotel is just what Jack Torrance is looking for, as it\u2019s guaranteed to be an easy job affording him plenty of time to write the great American novel. It only makes sense to bring along the wife and kid for the season, but it\u2019s not long before little Danny starts acting like a real jerk. He rides his Big Wheel up and down the hallways, makes up stories about naked old ladies, occasionally drools, and serves as a distraction from all the writing and drinking Jack would like to be doing. Can you blame the man for growing insanely frustrated? Maybe, but had he not brought the kid to the job, Jack wouldn\u2019t have frozen to death in a misguided attempt to chase the child down and cleave his head in two with an ax.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Road to Perdition<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(2002)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>One of the many problems with children is their habit of seeing things they shouldn\u2019t have seen, and that\u2019s exactly the trouble Michael Sullivan finds when he unknowingly brings his son along for a business meeting. His business is mob enforcer, up to and including killing when necessary, but he finds himself out of a job when young Michael Jr. sees the exchange of gunfire. The boy promises not to tell anyone, but everyone knows kids are liars, and soon the hitman and his boy are targets of the same mobsters he used to call co-workers and business acquaintances. His boy learns a valuable lesson about gun violence, but it doesn\u2019t end well for Michael as his career choices come back to bite him in the ass one last time.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Catch That Kid<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(2004)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Life\u2019s been tough for Molly ever since her husband fell while climbing, broke his back, and wound up paralyzed from the neck down. But on the bright side, she\u2019s recently started a new job as head of security for a high-tech bank. She hoped they\u2019d lend her money to cover her husband\u2019s experimental surgery, but they refuse. Enter Molly\u2019s daughter, Maddy, who decides to visit her mom\u2019s workplace and rob those bastards blind. Knowing her daughter\u2019s in big trouble, Molly is forced to accept the blame and risk being fired. It\u2019s a kids’ movie, so it ends happily, but it should still be enough to give you pause before even letting your child know where you work.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(2008)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>Dr. Jones is a world-famous explorer, archeologist, adventurer, and college professor, but he meets his greatest challenge when he brings his son, Mutt, on an excursion to Peru. In Jones\u2019 defense, he didn\u2019t know the kid was his kid when he brought him into his \u201cworkplace,\u201d but the damage is done. Not only does the greaser punk give his dad attitude and complicate the man\u2019s adventuring, but he also threatens to tank Indiana Jones\u2019 film career. Seriously, just watching Mutt swing from jungle trees has to be heartbreaking for his old man.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bugsy Malone<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(1976)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been something of a stickler for the \u201cbring your child to work\u201d premise up until now (shut up, yes I have), but I\u2019m going to cheat slightly with this final entry. Like Road to Perdition<\/i> above, the workplace here is the violent world of mobsters, bootlegging, and gun molls — but all of the employees are children. So they\u2019re kids who\u2019ve brought themselves to work. Anyway, as you\u2019d expect with minors running illegal gambling establishments, nightclubs, and gun deals, it\u2019s not long before it all devolves into playful chaos. The youngsters break into song on a regular basis and gunfights become a regular event. Did I mention the guns all shoot creampuffs? Horrific. As if all of this pre-teen immorality weren\u2019t bad enough, one of these kid workers grows up to be a real dick on Twitter and in real life, and you have to wonder if a more traditional childhood experience would have made Scott Baio a nicer, smarter adult.<\/span><\/p>\n

.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe Somebody<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(2001)<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>OK, I lied. Bugsy Malone<\/i> was supposed to be the last entry, but I\u2019d be remiss in not including a movie that literally features a character bringing his daughter to work for Take Your Daughter to Work Day. Joe brings his girl in only to see it backfire before he even enters the building when a bullying co-worker severely embarrasses him in front of her. Devastated by what she must think of him, Joe sets out to better himself — beginning with challenging the jerk to another fight — and soon finds his life improving through a promotion, accolades from other co-workers, and a new girlfriend in Human Resources. On the surface it all ends well for Joe, but dig deeper and you\u2019ll see two painful truths. His girlfriend quits out of some misguided attempt to protect him, thereby teaching a crappy lesson to Joe\u2019s daughter that men\u2019s jobs are more important than women\u2019s. And two, the movie bombed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Rob Hunter<\/a> lives in California and is prohibited by law from having children.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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