{"id":8171,"date":"2017-10-20T13:20:26","date_gmt":"2017-10-20T17:20:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=8171"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:33:49","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:33:49","slug":"how-to-tell-this-weeks-5-movies-apart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/how-to-tell-this-weeks-5-movies-apart\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Tell This Week&#8217;s 5 Movies Apart"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">It&#8217;s October, which for Hollywood means one thing: Time to burn off the movies that weren&#8217;t loud enough to be summer releases but are too stupid to be end-of-the-year prestige films. This weekend there are FIVE new wide releases, five very different movies that will collectively occupy about 30% of the nation&#8217;s movie screens. They are:\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span class=\"s1\"><em>Geostorm<\/em>, a disaster movie; <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"s1\"><em>The Snowman<\/em>, a crime thriller about a serial killer; <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"s1\"><em>Only the Brave<\/em>, about real-life &#8220;hotshot&#8221; firefighters; <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"s1\"><em>Same Kind of Different As Me<\/em>, about white Christians helping a black homeless man;\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span class=\"s1\"><em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween<\/em>, which is either self-explanatory or impossible to explain. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">How can you possibly discern between these movies and make rational choices about what to see? You cannot. Fortunately, we are here to help.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"p1\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"s1\">How to Tell This Week&#8217;s Movies Apart <\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Title sounds like a pleasant children&#8217;s story, but it&#8217;s actually about a serial killer:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Title sounds like someone exclaiming random words while having a stroke, but it&#8217;s actually about a giant grandma who beats children:<\/strong>\u00a0<em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Being released now because it&#8217;s seasonally appropriate:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman<\/em>;\u00a0<em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Being released now because they need the tax write-off before the end of the year:<\/strong> <em>Same Kind of Different As Me <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Perspiration:<\/strong> <em>Only the Brave<\/em><br \/>\n<strong>Inspiration:<\/strong> <em>Same Kind of Different As Me<\/em><br \/>\n<strong>Desperation:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>About people courageous enough to fight fires:<\/strong> <em>Only the Brave<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>About people courageous enough to work with Val Kilmer:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Based on the absurd notion of satellites controlling the weather:<\/strong> <em>Geostrom<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Based on the absurd notion of Tyler Perry:<\/strong>\u00a0<em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Catastrophic fires:<\/strong> <em>Only the Brave<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Catastrophic weather:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Catastrophic reviews:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>May have kitsch value:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>May have Taylor Kitsch value:<\/strong> <em>Only the Brave <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>All of the cast is white:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Most of the cast is black:<\/strong>\u00a0<em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Some of the cast is awake:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Has the star of <em>Dear God<\/em>:<\/strong> <em>Same Kind of Different As Me<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Has a trailer that makes you say, &#8220;Dear God!&#8221;:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Scenes of widespread destruction:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>Scenes of widespread Jon Voight:<\/strong> <em>Same Kind of Different As Me <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>About a detective trying to catch a killer:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>About a couple trying to help a homeless man:<\/strong> <em>Same Kind of Different As Me<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>About the writer of <em>Independence Day<\/em> trying to direct a movie:<\/strong> <em>Geostorm<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><strong>The women are abducted and killed:<\/strong> <em>The Snowman<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>The women stay home and worry about their husbands:<\/strong> <em>Only the Brave<\/em><br \/>\n<\/span><span class=\"s1\"><strong>The female lead is played by a man:<\/strong>\u00a0<em>Tyler Perry&#8217;s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ericdsnider.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Eric D. Snider<\/a> lives in Portland.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s October, which for Hollywood means one thing: Time to burn off the movies that weren&#8217;t loud enough to be [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":8172,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,1381,1400],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-movies","category-on-the-marquee"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/92"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8171"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8171\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8172"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}