{"id":8850,"date":"2018-02-20T05:00:19","date_gmt":"2018-02-20T10:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/?p=8850"},"modified":"2018-06-28T13:31:44","modified_gmt":"2018-06-28T17:31:44","slug":"opinion-moviepass-is-completely-sustainable-just-like-my-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/opinion-moviepass-is-completely-sustainable-just-like-my-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"OPINION: MoviePass Is Completely Sustainable, Just Like My Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m a simple man. I\u2019ve been married for 26 years, I have two wonderful daughters, and I like to sit back at the end of the week and lose myself in a great film. And while that\u2019s gotten even easier with MoviePass, some people on the internet are saying that the subscription service can\u2019t last, that the company is losing money daily by offering a movie ticket a day for only $10 a month. But that\u2019s ridiculous. The MoviePass model is as rock-solid and sustainable as my marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

When my work friends cornered me to tell me they saw my wife walk into a motel with two men, I laughed it off. I whipped out some finger guns and told them, \u201cJoin the MoviePass haters, guys, I\u2019ll be here, on the right side of history.\u201d And they never brought it up again, because they knew I was right. They must have seen somebody else who looked like my wife. Right? Right.<\/span><\/p>\n

Those haters say that MoviePass throws money away, not realizing that you must spend money to get what you want. It\u2019s a basic principle of economics. If you didn\u2019t have to spend money to get what you wanted, why would I pay hundreds of dollars for my wife\u2019s four-hour yoga lessons with that sweaty European guy every Tuesday night, just so she\u2019ll let me kiss her in the daytime? She\u2019s very shy, but I\u2019m cool with it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I know what you must be thinking: \u201cThis MoviePass thing is such a great deal, the theaters must not be allowing it. Also, your marriage is super normal and it\u2019s totally not weird that your kids call your wife\u2019s friend Jeremy \u2018dad\u2019 and won\u2019t look you in the eye.\u201d But that\u2019s where you\u2019re wrong, because MoviePass figured out a loophole. When AMC theaters threatened to ban MoviePass, it was revealed that both companies had agreements with MasterCard, and for AMC to not allow MoviePass would violate their agreement with the entire company! Isn\u2019t that brilliant? It\u2019s just like when my wife tried to hold a swingers\u2019 party at our house, but I wouldn\u2019t let her have it unless I was allowed to be involved. I ended up just making the snacks for the party, but marriage is all about compromise.<\/span><\/p>\n

And speaking of compromise, the great thing about MoviePass is that it helps people compromise when deciding how to spend their days. I had no interest in seeing Fifty Shades Freed<\/i> in the theater. I was just going to watch it on a DVD loop in my car where I sleep like I\u2019ve done the other two, but when my wife told me she was going to see the film, I thought I would join her. It\u2019s not like I\u2019m spending $11 on a ticket, I\u2019m just swiping a card. Watching her watch the movie from four rows behind her, unbeknownst to her, was the first time I saw her show any feeling in two long decades.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I should be leaving. I\u2019m almost late for my 12th viewing of Den of Thieves<\/i>. I just can\u2019t get enough of that Gerard Butler. Also, it \u2026 gives me something to look forward to. And it\u2019s the longest movie in the theater right now, so it\u2019s nice. I love MoviePass!<\/span><\/p>\n

UPDATE: She filed for separation. Apparently when I stalked her at Fifty Shades Freed<\/i>, that was \u201ca violation of her privacy\u201d and she took everything, including the Netflix account. But I don\u2019t need Netflix when I\u2019ve got the \u201cNetflix of theaters\u201d right in my pocket!<\/span><\/p>\n

Note: At press time, the author\u2019s local theater had stopped accepting MoviePass.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Davey Peppers<\/a> makes up fake stories in Carbondale, Ill.<\/em><\/p>\n

Support us by following us on Twitter<\/a> or liking us on Facebook<\/a>.<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m a simple man. I\u2019ve been married for 26 years, I have two wonderful daughters, and I like to sit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":526,"featured_media":8851,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,1381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8850","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8850","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/526"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8850"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8850\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8850"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8850"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crookedmarquee.com\/stage8\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8850"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}