Josh Bell
Lesbians figuring out their lives highlight this week’s minor VOD releases, which also feature ancient gods, a menacing rapper, and a kid vampire.
Blood (Select theaters January 27; VOD January 31): It’s been quite a while since journeyman director Brad Anderson (Session 9, The Machinist) was considered a rising horror auteur, and Blood isn’t likely to put him back on the horror A-list, although it has a few effectively creepy moments. It’s too downbeat and plodding to be particularly scary, treating its version of vampirism more like a terminal illness than a supernatural power. Nobody ever uses the V-word for what happens to young Owen (Finlay Wojtak-Hissong) after he’s bitten by an aggressive dog with glowing eyes, but his uncontrollable craving for blood makes it pretty obvious. Owen’s mom (Michelle Monaghan) goes to any lengths necessary for her son, and the filmmakers draw some weak thematic connections to her struggles with drug addiction and custody battle with her ex (Skeet Ulrich). The drama is mostly flat, and the true horrors of Owen’s condition only manifest when the movie is nearly over. Grade: C+
Immortal City Records (Tubi January 27): More of a soap opera than a thriller, this Tubi original about an aspiring singer caught up in nefarious activity at an Atlanta record label takes its time getting around to the underwhelming danger. Mostly, Drea (Mea Wilkerson) endures mild workplace harassment from her bosses, legendary rapper Eight (RonReaco Lee) and his wife and business partner Sapphire (D. Woods). Drea learns that their previous assistant went missing, but she doesn’t seem too concerned about it, instead focusing on jump-starting her career and flirting with hot young rapper T. Strong (Terrence Green). Writer-director Patricia Cuffie-Jones (a veteran of made-for-TV Christmas movies) delivers a cut-rate version of Lee Daniels’ hip-hop drama series Empire, culminating in a brief, suspense-free confrontation. The characters’ motivations are inconsistent, the mystery is almost entirely nonexistent, and the supposed bangers that put the label on the map sound like knock-offs designed to trick Spotify algorithms. Grade: C-
Petit Mal (Select theaters January 27; VOD January 31): A movie about a throuple who are making a movie about being in a throuple, based on the filmmaker’s real-life throuple relationship, this Colombian drama is loaded with self-reflectiveness, although it rarely weighs down the simple narrative. Writer-director Ruth Caudeli and her actual partners star as a trio of lesbians who seem to live in domestic bliss. They play word games and wear matching pajamas, but their dynamic is destabilized when Laia (Caudeli) departs for a long-term work assignment in another city. Marti (Silvia Varón) and Anto (Ana María Otálora) seem lost without the more dominant Laia, which Caudeli represents by shifting from color to black and white once Laia leaves. The fractures in the relationship are minor, though, and Petit Mal is quiet and slow-paced, relying on the actors’ often wordless interactions to convey the characters’ emotions. It’s sometimes too sedate for its own good, but even the most mundane moments have an appealing, honest vulnerability. Grade: B-
Exceptional Beings (VOD and DVD January 31): Billed as a prequel to writer and co-director Njedeh Anthony’s novel Godhood, this sci-fi fiasco is startlingly incoherent, a jumble of pseudo-philosophical nonsense, horrendous special effects, and incomprehensible plotting. Versions of ancient gods Athena (Ciarra Carter) and Hermes (Dane Oliver) spend nearly the entire movie repetitively berating a seemingly ordinary schoolteacher (Rachel Thundat). The gods believe she’s not who she says she is, although her true nature is never clear, even when it’s theoretically revealed at the climax. The characters travel across the globe via green screen and stock footage, engaging in the same circular, meaningless arguments, which the stars deliver without much conviction. Eric Roberts shows up briefly as Poseidon, sporting a hilariously unconvincing fake beard in footage clearly shot separately from the other actors. By the end, nothing is resolved or explained, even after multiple lengthy flashbacks. A post-credits scene that teases either a movie sequel or Anthony’s book comes off more like a threat than a promise. Grade: D-
Erin’s Guide to Kissing Girls (VOD February 3): Starting with its title, writer-director Julianna Notten’s teen dramedy is a cute, upbeat take on queer romance, focusing on personal relationships rather than coming-out angst. Elliot Stocking stars as the title character, a lesbian eighth-grader who’s fixated on getting her first kiss. She sets her sights on new classmate Sydni (Rosali Annikie), a former child actor who seems impossibly cool and mature. That leaves Erin’s best friend Liz (Jesyca Gu) feeling somewhat slighted, and the movie explores the moment between middle school and high school when childhood friends face the potential of growing apart. It’s so sweet and positive that the conflicts occasionally feel contrived, with artificial obstacles for Erin and Liz to overcome on their way to an obvious reconciliation. Still, the characters and performances are charming, and the outsize teenage worries over tiny bits of drama are amusing and relatable. It’s easy to envision Erin carrying her own stylish, tween-friendly TV series. Grade: B 
