A Star Is Born, the story of a romance between a fading male celebrity and a rising female artist so good it’s been told four times already, is in theaters now. Based on the incredible buzz the film has been getting from critics on the festival circuit, Warner Bros. smells Oscar gold as well as box office green, and the film is just the beginning of the Star Is Born phenomenon. A top-secret press release about the film’s marketing blitz is about to hit Tinseltown, but my Hollywood insider (my barber, Jean) managed to snag a copy before anyone else. Here is the exclusive scoop:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Warner Bros. is proud to present the official release marketing for A Star Is Born, which features the following strategies and products. Be sure to share this news on your sites and social media! (NOTE TO HAIRDRESSERS AND BARBERS: please do not distribute to freelancers early.)
— THEATRICAL TRAILERS. The A Star Is Born launch trailer has been an unequivocal success, so we’ve put the same editing team to work on five brand new 2-minute-30-second previews, some of which consist of entire scenes from the movie! All five of these trailers will play before all showings of all wide release films for the next two weeks, so audiences won’t be able to miss the news that A Star Is Born is coming out, even if they’ve purposely shown up to their theater 20 minutes late with their smartphone light on, looking for their assigned seat. Even better, an exclusive 3-minute preview will play about 56 minutes into all IMAX screenings of Sony Pictures’ Venom.
— TV SPOTS. Approximately 57 brand-new 30-second TV spots have been cut, and will be airing aggressively during prime time. Between all the TV spots and theatrical trailers, you can conceivably “collect” the whole movie! That’s fun, right? (Make sure to tweet with the hashtag #IFoundAStar if you do!) Also, don’t miss the “HBO First Look: The Making Of A Star Is Born” special to get an insider’s account of the making of the movie! You’ll learn that working with director Bradley Cooper was “a joy,” Lady Gaga is “a goddess,” and that the production had some difficulties but everyone got through it. Literally, that’s all you’ll learn.
— CHARACTER POSTERS. Every single character in A Star Is Born gets a poster. Even the extras. Especially the extras.
— FUNKO POPS. You can’t call yourself a collector without collecting every single one of these money traps delightful bobble heads! Collect all four: Bradley Cooper’s “Jackson Maine,” Lady Gaga’s “Ally,” Dave Chapelle’s “Noodles,” and Andrew Dice Clay’s “Lorenzo” (a Wal-Mart exclusive!).
— THE VOICE APPEARANCE. On Tuesday, Oct. 9, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper will appear as guest coaches on the season premiere of NBC’s The Voice, lending their unique expertise to young hopefuls! Gaga will impart her knowledge of vocal dynamics and stage presence, while Bradley will instruct the contestants in the application of bronzer, as well as the finer points of the “Drunk Southern” accent.
— SWEEPSTAKES/TIE-IN PRODUCTS. Join the fun of becoming the A Star Is Born characters while playing for amazing prizes! Collect game pieces that, when matched, can be redeemed for paid vacations, gift packages, and even bundles of cash! Game pieces can be found on specially marked Sephora products as well as bottles of Miller High Life. The more you collect, the more you win!
— BLU-RAY “SPECIAL EDITIONS” RELEASE. Warner Bros. Home Entertainment continues its tradition of film preservation while simultaneously updating its classic library for modern audiences. At all big box stores on the day of A Star Is Born’s release, all previous versions of A Star Is Born—1937, 1954, 1976, and the precursor film, 1931’s What Price Hollywood?—will hit Blu-Ray. These new “Special Editions” seamlessly replace each lead character’s face and voice with that of Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga, keeping the films in the Star Is Born Cinematic Universe (the SIBCU). These new versions will also premiere on VOD and streaming, instantly replacing the vintage versions for all time!
— VR EXPERIENCE. In a cross promotion with Oculus and IMAX VR, we’re proud to present “A Star Is Born: The Onstage VR Experience.” Put on your sweaty headset, grab your broken controllers, and fumble around as you take on the role of either Jackson or Ally, live in front of thousands of screaming fans. “All you have to do is trust us” that you won’t look like an idiot attempting a glorified version of karaoke and Guitar Hero!
— AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE. Opening at all Six Flags amusement parks across America, “A Star Is Born: The Ride” will be your favorite new attraction this fall. The world of show business can sure feel like a “rollercoaster” sometimes, a journey that takes Hollywood hopefuls to the highest heights and lowest lows, where you never quite know where you’re going or how to get there. That’s why this 5-minute, 200-foot long indoor coaster is completely in the dark, while Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s “Shallow” blasts your ears on repeat through speakers in the car seat. Use the mounted laser cannon on your car to “shoot” illuminated “obstacles to stardom” as you fly by, such as “your ugly nose,” “your hearing loss,” and even “self-doubt.” Get a high score and you may just become the newest star in the park!
— “BECOME A STAR” CONTEST. The ultimate A Star Is Born experience awaits you with the “Become A Star” contest, which recreates the experience of modern stardom. To play, follow the official A Star Is Born social media accounts and look for the unique email address for “casting.” Send numerous self-tape videos (any entries of less than 100 videos will be disqualified) of yourself performing monologues and songs in front of your bare apartment walls while your friend awkwardly reads lines off screen. After about five years, one lucky winner will be chosen and flown to Hollywood, where they’ll get a mandatory makeover and meet with agents in shabby offices, land small “under 5” parts in major motion pictures, and audition constantly. They’ll then finally be up for a major lead role, only to have it taken by the actual lucky winner of the contest, some idiot with a famous parent who said something outrageously stupid and offensive on a YouTube video. Have fun playing, and don’t forget to follow your dreams!