Movie theater loyalty programs certainly aren’t new, but the larger chains have split in terms of how to keep you coming. AMC’s Stubs program promises free refills on a large popcorn or going into a “Stubs Premiere” line at the concession stand for preferred service. And then there’s Regal, which has a similar program (free popcorn on your birthday) with a different carrot—promotional items. These trinkets normally find their way to special screening attendees, prize packs and the people that cover these same films as a peace offering and occasional useful item (food, knives, t-shirts that magically disintegrate after two wears).
Regal offers the casual filmgoer that same experience if you’re a member of their program. For every pre-tax dollar you spend on tickets and concessions, your account gets 100 credits. So a movie on Thursday night for $13 gets you 1,300 credits. And what astonishing prize could you (with an additional shipping fee that must be paid without credits) wind up with?
Glad you asked.
10 Real Things You Can Get Through Regal’s Rewards Program
A koan: If a film was released this year without a matching piece of plastic was it even released? Deep thoughts like that will make it easier to deal with the fact that the Blade Runner 2049 fidget spinner is roughly $150 in real dollars.
Adventure Prize Pack, various films
Like the generic party store costume for “Coolest Dude On The Block.” The thermos is filled with Zima, and having an Everest patch on your jacket is the lamest version of “stolen valor.”
Tweezers, Friend Request
“Oh wow, tweezers! Just like in the movie Friend Request,” said no one, ever, because no one has watched this film. This might be the least interesting “prize” ever. (Editor’s note: But at 1,000 credits, or $10, it’s one of the better bargains.)
Home Again Prize Pack Sweepstakes
This is like the stock photo for “holiday shopping at the last minute for Mom.”
Selfie Sword, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Collectible Bucket, Beauty and the Beast
I take back the remark about the Friend Request tweezers.
DON’T MESS WITH MOM T-Shirt, Kidnap
In journalism you’re taught to ask the five W’s. For this shirt you only need one: why?
Conductor Cap, Murder on the Orient Express
Ah, yes, the least interesting prop in a film overshadowed by the director’s own mustache. It’ll sell like hotcakes! (It is sold out, by the way, and removed from the site.)
Rain Jacket, IT
The greatest, most passive-aggressive gift for your little brother or anyone named Georgie.
All Of This, IMAX
When all of these items are assembled in one room it forms the saddest version of Voltron.
Sign up for a Regal card and you, too, can gain access to short-lived promotional items that may just blow your mind. Or promote Roman J. Israel, Esq. for some reason.
John Lichman lives in Washington, D.C., can be purchased with credits.