Josh Bell
This week’s minor VOD releases feature a documentary filmed inside a video game, a Kiwi comedy about psychic warfare, and the unfortunate return of Uwe Boll.
First Shift (VOD and select theaters August 30): Notoriously inept provocateur Uwe Boll announced his retirement from filmmaking in 2016, but he returned with a movie in his native Germany in 2022, and now he’s back with his first English-language movie in eight years. The good news is that anyone amused by Boll’s bizarre inability to grasp the basics of storytelling will find plenty of entertainment in First Shift, which plays like it was made by aliens studying the concept of the buddy-cop movie. Hardened veteran NYPD homicide detective Deo Russo (Gino Anthony Pesi) and his perky new partner Angela Dutton (Kristen Renton) engage in stilted, off-putting banter, interspersed with disjointed scenes depicting crimes that they’re mostly unaware of. First Shift is packed with useless filler — opening with an absurdly detailed sequence of every step in Deo’s morning routine — to pad out its chaotic collection of subplots, only to end with literal coming attractions for the sequel. In other words, it’s an Uwe Boll movie. Grade: D
Continue (VOD and select theaters September 6): Maybe writing, directing and starring in a movie that explores her own suicidal ideation is part of Nadine Crocker’s recovery, but that doesn’t mean that audiences need to be subjected to this cinematic version of a solipsistic therapy session. Despite its pretensions to raw vulnerability, this is essentially an elaborate vanity project, with Crocker looking glamorous even in her darkest moments as aspiring singer-songwriter Dean, who begins the movie with a failed suicide attempt. Committed to a mental health facility, she makes friends with a fellow patient (Lio Tipton), rejects but then embraces help from her therapist (Emily Deschanel), and eventually finds love with a sensitive musician (Shiloh Fernandez) after she’s released. Along the way, Crocker indulges in an entire self-help book’s worth of inspirational platitudes, with wispy images of herself swooning romantically and/or depressively. Like many actors misguidedly determined to play themselves, Crocker comes off as self-conscious and unconvincing, and the same goes for the movie itself. Grade: C
Don’t Turn Out the Lights (VOD September 6): The director of movies like The Game Plan and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 doesn’t seem like the obvious choice to helm a horror film (no matter how harrowing the experience of watching those comedies may be), but Andy Fickman shows clear affection for the genre, if not much aptitude for it. He strands a group of obnoxious college students in the middle of nowhere while on their way to a music festival, then has them yell at each other for nearly two hours. That’s about all there is to Don’t Turn Out the Lights, which spends a lot of time on irrelevant exposition establishing its central relationships, but no time at all explaining or even depicting the mysterious danger lurking in the woods. Instead of a creepy, unknowable threat, it’s just a bunch of random, disconnected events, with the characters’ tedious, interminable theorizing punctuated by occasional jump scares. At least Fickman’s terrible comedies get right to the point. Grade: C
Knit’s Island (Metrograph at Home September 6): Shot entirely within the open-world video game DayZ, this fascinating documentary from French filmmakers Ekiem Barbier, Guilhem Causse, and Quentin L’Helgouac’h would make for a perfect double feature with 2022’s underrated We Met in Virtual Reality, although it takes a slightly more detached, downbeat view of the online community it depicts. The filmmakers spent 900-plus hours wandering through the landscape of DayZ, encountering players from around the world, some of whom are looking for human connection, and some of whom just want to kill and possibly consume their rivals. The interviews slowly transition from in-character bravado to emotionally affecting meditations on real life, which includes the early pandemic lockdown period. Rather than deluded incels, these players are thoughtful and empathetic, if occasionally lacking in self-awareness. With some striking “camera” angles, Knit’s Island manages to make its virtual setting often hauntingly beautiful, which augments the melancholy musings of its subjects, who’ve found a strange sort of sanctuary within this ostensibly post-apocalyptic environment. Grade: B+
The Paragon (VOD and select theaters September 6): A low-key comedy whose stakes involve the fate of the entire universe, this charming movie from New Zealand gets a lot of mileage out of its limited resources. It starts out as a simple story about a loser trying to take charge of his life: Former tennis pro Dutch (Benedict Wall) blames his injury in a hit-and-run accident for the loss of his job and his wife, and he’s determined to get revenge, even if that involves trusting a dubious guru who claims she can unlock his psionic powers. It turns out that Lyra (Florence Noble) is the real deal, and Dutch’s psionic awakening places him in the middle of a battle between Lyra and her evil brother Haxan (Jonny Brugh) over an all-powerful artifact. Writer-director Michael Duignan depicts this epic struggle with dry, good-natured humor, never losing the focus on Dutch’s personal journey. The odd-couple dynamic between Dutch and Lyra is sweet and funny, and the supernatural saga finds just the right balance between silly and grandiose. Grade: B+
