Here at Crooked Marquee, we are open to pitches from all writers, regardless of experience. Why, the number of pitches we get per week must be somewhere around [number that sounds impressive but plausible]! Many of these ideas are excellent, but a few bad ones slip through, too. Here’s a sampling of some of the pitches we rejected this summer.
Rejected Articles from Summer 2018
Ant-Man and the Wasp Reviewed by an Aunt, a Man, and a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
Blue Is the Warmest Raptor: The Rise of Erotic Jurassic World Fiction
What If They Remade Ocean’s 8 but with Men?
How Hereditary Helped Me Overcome My Fear of Being Decapitated by a Telephone Pole
On Slender Man‘s Offensive Portrayal of Slim People
OK, I Give Up: Will Someone Tell Me What ‘MoviePass’ Is?
Other Pixar Shorts That Should Have Been About a Mother Eating Her Son
How Disney History Would Be Different If They’d Always Let White Supremacists Make Their Decisions for Them Instead of Just Starting Now
We Asked a Racist to Fact-Check BlacKkKlansman
An Interview with the Lesser Demon Who Cursed Will Arnett to Be in Show Dogs
There Was an Overboard Remake. Remember That??
They’re Crazy Rich — But Are They Asian Enough? An Investigation
A Complete List of Everything Denzel Washington Has Equalized
Why Thanos’ Finger Snap is Gay Cultural Appropriation
What The Meg Gets Wrong — and Right — About People Named Meg
Why You Won’t See the Deleted Nude Scenes from Won’t You Be My Neighbor? on DVD, Either
Just How Flexible is Elasti-Girl? An Inappropriate Investigation
Meet the Sack of Wet Bananas That Wrote Bad Samaritan
We Launch a Feud with Other Movie Sites, Starting with Those Bastards at Film School Rejects
Theory: Hereditary Is Actually a Stealth Prequel to The Joker
10 Mental Illnesses Christopher Robin Had Besides Hearing Stuffed Animals Talk
100 Kooky Things the Extra ‘K’ in BlacKkKlansman Might Stand For
Let’s Point and Laugh at the Ghostbusters Man-Babies Again, Just for Fun
How Every Movie Is a Commentary on Trump If You’re Desperate Enough for Content